Toledo Blade circulation figures pick up . . . not really

20 Sep

Toledo Blade - Old Media Howdy neighbor

Thanks for leaving your newspaper (the Toledo Blade) on the end of my driveway for the past 12 weeks. I’ve enjoyed running over it, then retrieving the ripped bag and depositing it in my trashcan.

Hope tossing it in my driveway helped your sagging circulation figures. I know it’s tough to pretend to advertisers that you are circulating over 100,000 papers (when it’s probably considerably fewer).

Now you’re “pleased to inform me” that I get to repeat this routine  for “another 12 weeks.” Twelve additional weeks of a “Pulitzer Prize winning Blade” at no cost to me? Serve yourself. Cut those trees down, I’ll keep recycling them along with all the direct mail and pitch cards that your brother-in-arms the U.S. Postal Service keeps delivering (probably shouldn’t have repaired the mailbox after that driver KO’d it during a January ice storm).

Finally, the punchline: if I wish “not” to participate in the program then I have to call the Blade’s Customer Service Department (419-724-6300) – as if someone would actually answer!

Nope, you do what you need to do and I’ll keep updating the locals on your awesome circulation strategy.  Hope this internet fad thing tapers out and you can get back to cranking out high-quality, objective journalism.

Have a great day!

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4 Responses to “Toledo Blade circulation figures pick up . . . not really”

  1. Joe Michaels September 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm #

    Ouch! You’re tough, Kevin. But I have to agree with you. Newspapers (along with organized religion) are going the way of the telegraph. (Not the road. The invention.) Wouldn’t like to be responsible for marketing them. (Or, would I?) In any case, it’s ingenuous, to say the least, that you’re subscriber numbers are “up” when you’re just giving away the product. Reminds me of Enron. And we all know how that story ended…

  2. Joe Michaels September 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    Ooops. Mean “DISingenuous.” Or however the hell it’s spelled.

  3. Zombie Spirituality September 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm #

    Thats great stuff, the only time I touch a filthy paper is when im on vacation and have zero internet service at my location. Up here in Detroit the have college kids with sad sad faces trying to get you to subscribe for only 4 weeks, so they get a scolarship. My wife fell for that one time and noticed that the only useful part of it was the plastic bag it came in…..perfect for dog poop when your walking your dog.

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